Wicca on the walls

So today is the 22nd and "Connie" and I had our first Wiccan "meet" and we cast a circle and we did our initiation, it was amazing it was like this age old bond between us and nature had strengthened like my minds emotions became its own language that connected with the earth. It was like feeling the peace of the trees as they grow, I feel like Connie and I have grown together and that becoming Wiccan is a huge step to becoming the person who I want to be.

two days in one :)

So today is the 19th of April and I have gone back to school,  it was amazing because I cut my hair.  We did it in my dorm (by "we" I mean 2 of my 4 other dorm mates) and matron walked in and did not notice. When I say I cut my hair I mean I really did, I started of with long girly hair but now  it is incredibly "gender neutral"

"Rose" layered it for me and "Spice" lent me her scissors, my lack of long hair is really making my gender dysphoria lessen and I feel like I can be who I want to be and dress accordingly. I am really happy right now but I  think that when I go home in two weeks my family is going to freak,  I am kind of dreading that but I am going to make the most of my short loved happiness...

 

 

Today is the 20th of April and it was the first day back to school... It was not as awesomsauce as it could have been but some of it was amazing for example lots of people really like my new hair, and it was really funny when one of my best friends "Heathcliff" saw it, he literally went(younger viewers please skip this bit) "OH MY F#%K!!!!!" And it was absolutely hysterical. The problem was he does not really like it and neither does my other best friend "bunny bond" I have also come out to them and my dorm mates as genderfluid, some of my dorm mates had already assumed so my dorm is really accepting but unfortunately "bunny bond" and "Heathcliff" don't really understand and in truth, I understand that...

I mean I never expected EVERYONE  to understand but I am really surprised and (again) betrayed that the two people closest to me would be so closed minded

I just came out to my mum!!!!!

I am so pleased with myself! I just came out to my mum and I am waiting for a reply. I feel like I have just got a huge wieght of my chest like I had barbells hanging of my shoulders and then WHOOSH they came of and just yay!

This is what I said

Hi,
So I feel like I have not been 100% honest with you about my gender and sexuality...
I currently identify as pansexual I am inexperienced but I have kissed a girl and I enjoyed it...
I also identify as genderfluid, so basically sometimes I feel like a man and I wear hats and I wrap my breasts so that I look like a boy and other times I feel like a girl and dress accordingly, often I feel like neither or both and I get very angry.
I have been tossing and turning these last few nights because nobody except myself knows that I am currently and have been for about six months, genderfluid. But what do I know right? I am "too young" to understand.
I would like to cut my hair because when I am a man I get upset and I feel very isolated due to my long hair and my boobs, i was thinking of cutting it myself but I feel like I would get in too much trouble. I feel like the female part of me would not mind short hair.
 the main problem is that I hate female pronouns I also hate male pronouns I feel like I should be a "they" but I cannot see that happening in the near future. So yeah please consider allowing me to have my hair cut if you want I can send you some ideas or whatever, I am sorry that you had to find out this way but I can't do this anymore, I know that you will be able t deal with this because you are awesome and yeah I love you?
S.

UPDATE!!!!!!!!!! So mymum is the best! She was saying how she loves me and that I can do whati please with my hair (short hair suggestions maybe? I am kinda unsure HOW to do it) I mean she does not understand "gender fluid" but I don't mind

Twilight. Good or bad?

So obviously the twilight saga is a little bit "finished" and all that jazz but I think that this needs to be written about...
So personally I read the twilight books and enjoyed them, I mean the concept was good and it was Written in a way I could relate to. But in truth I did not like the way some of the characters behaved for example Edward, the seemingly romantic Heathcliff-esque protector of Bella, he is intelligent and handsome yet he conveniently chooses Bella, but mainly for her blood. I mean WHY wasn't Bella disappointed in Edward for loving her bodily fluids before her mind!
Which leads to another point, that Twilight very subtly degrades women. BELLA DEGRADES WOMEN. She always needs a hero, either Edward or Jacob. She clumsy and gets hurt a lot, she needs to be saved. I guess you could say I grew up a bit between the first time I read it and the second time where I really saw this. It really made me think about what the Twilight books really signified. 
I am not saying twilight isn't good, I mean I have been on both ends of the twilight love/hate spectrum, but that is probably why it got so popular, it's just like that dress, was it blue and black or white and gold?  Nobody knows because different people see it different ways just like twilight an just like that dress people are forced to choose sides, wether its edward or Jacob, or good or bad it does not matter it's just the fact that by forcing people to choose sides the product is increasing in popularity and that is probably why it was such a big phenomenon, just like that dress.
Ps its blue and black

Betrayal on the wall

Hi...
                             So today I wanted to also approach a certain aspect to being human.
                             Can y'all guess what that certain aspect is?
                             You guessed it! The feeling of betrayal
                             I guess everybody feels it, maybe I do more than others...
                            For example today my good (maybe even best!) friend "Bunny Bond" and I were messaging, when I revealed to him a secret (classified) which would usually make people pity me, and I got the wrong reaction from him, just like everyone else he withdrew from me and I know it was not his fault! it was mine because I had to have that stupid secret in the first place and I hated it so much it mad me want to replace myself with this new perfect me with a REAL smile and eyes that shine with life a little more often. It is the reason why I am writing this.
                            But I am not saying that i don't betray people as well, for example, I have a fairly large family with quite a few adults living in the same house meaning that usually stress levels in the house are sometimes quite high. my little sister, Ignes is too young to go to boarding school like me and has a lot of "little kid angst" so she often gets into trouble with the adults in my family and when I am at home Ignes feels that i should back her up and I do TRY to sometimes but more often than not it just ends up with her feeling upset and alone and betrayed by me. and I really wish that I could show in some way that I love her and that the adults are just trying to teach her, but I don't know how...
leave a comment if you have any suggestions
i would love to help if you have your own problems :)

creative writing On the wall

So today I have typed out one of my creative writing pieces, it was inspired by the crows that always seem to hang out around my school (herby known as shmool)  because everyone at my school seems to hate them and I think that they are poetic and romantic...

Here, the sky is usually grey and the ground is almost always damp. people are always writhing against each other even though there is always enough room for everyone, corruption spreading like disease and amongst it all? the birds.

 The whole world is a piece of cardboard and the birds are holes in between the fibers of it just like the stars are where moths have eaten though the velvet curtain that is the night sky.

 People just seem to pass them by. Not knowing, not caring if they see them, they come in small numbers and they come in large numbers, it changes every day their coal black wings flapping against the knife wind. they scavenge near the bins their beetle black eyes matching their beetle black beaks as they peck at old wrappers and scraps.

 I sometimes look outside the window and see them, silhouettes against the dome of cloud tree and sky they are free and sometimes (by which I mean often) I envy them.

 Sometimes I like to acknowledge them because we are somewhat alike (though I assure you I am entirely human) we are only seen by people who want to see, who want to open their eyes. We are both fine with that.

Sometimes I am a storm full of rumbling thunder and pouring rain. Other times I am as light as cloud floating above everyone, its a shame that I don`t have a break between these moods.

I see the world in metaphors, I see being surrounded by darkness as drowning in liquid coal and I see the light that radiates from the sun as a searchlight ever looking for purity...

As you can see i wnted to make the narrator sound pretty moody, but that is why I wrote it in the first place isn't it? I often display my emotions through creative writing and I urge you, yes YOU to try it as well
Leave a comment if you liked it （＾∇＾）

The ocean on the walls

I have always loved the ocean, it's kind of like salty water runs though my veins (although if that were true I am pretty sure I would be dead right now) whenever I am by the sea, wether its at walberswick beach or on my grandfathers boat or even looking down on it from a plane, i feel safe and in a way I feel like I can take on anything that the rest of the world throws at me because I can rely on the sea to constantly move and change and wear away at the rocks, just like people do only the sea is strong and HUGE and both angry and calm, heroic and villainous, beautiful and deadly, it both inspires people and breaks them, and that is why I love it so much because the ocean is a bit of a hypocrite just like the human race. In truth the ocean has always been just like us and barely anybody noticed because people tend to see the ways everything is different for example the ocean has a body made of water whereas we have a body made of DNA and cells, the ocean is seen as endless but is not on the other hand we individually see ourselves as small pieces in a very big puzzle that is the human race and yet our possibilities are endless
Here are is one of my personal mermories to do with the ocean...
I was in Woodbridge with my younger sister "Ignis" and my grandfather to spend some time on his boat. We found that the tide was at its lowest, meaning that it was impossible to get on the boat without injury unaided, my grandfather, being the resourceful man he is, soon found a ladder that gave us safe passage onto the boat, the only problem was that you had to look down as you climbed down a senile looking, rust covered ladder onto the unappealing and very far away mud that would be your very sticky landing pad if you were to fall. My grandfather went first, facing the ground, he teetered down the ladder onto his boat (we shall call it "the Tolstoy") Ignis was eager to get it over with and put her foot on the first rung.
long story short, she freaked out.
Anyway once Ignis was done with her ten year old tantrum and decided to stay on shore, I quickly climbed down and sat myself on the edge of the boat the bottoms of my pink and black wellies skimming the small amount of water that remained near the edges of the boat. And suddenly I had an idea. I slid from underneath the safety barrier of the boat and into the water. The cold tickled my toes through my wellingtons. Suddenly my feet began to sink into the mud I clung to the side of the boat as I hauled myself up.
I came home my trousers dripping with cold water, my toes stuck together and my fingers white and bloodless with cold...
anyway please leave your favourite memories with our fantastic ocean in a comment! (but only if you want to)